Monday, April 01, 2013

I thought I'd try writing again to get some things out of my system. I know I am very unhappy, most likely depressed, again. I am supposed to be on Lexapro, but of course like all my meds, I fluctuate with taking it. I really have to monitor myself because loneliness gets me into trouble. I want to be healthy but won't dedicate the time or energy that it takes to be healthy. I feel alone though I live with my husband. He chooses to spend his time with his mistress, vodka. I don't even have the energy to fight it any more. When he gets drunk, I hid in my bedroom with my dogger. My mother said that there were worse things than living alone and she was right. I do have my daughter and her family within a mile. My granddaughter comes here after school everyday. I have a wonderful friend next door. She is the same age as my son. We have fun together sitting outside with the dogs, or walking the dogs or going out to eat. She is a Vet student, my son's age. My son and his wife live in Florida. We keep in touch mostly through FB. They are expecting their first child this month and I couldn't be happier for them. I talk to my sister quite a bit. I'm grateful that we have a wonderful relationship. I do not hear from, nor do I really attempt to contact my older brother. He did send me a FB message about Ayn Rand not long ago. God has left the building for me. Much as I'd like to be someone who has faith in god, it just never happened. I can't even pretend any more. Have I whined enough yet?