Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Stress kills

Why am I so stressed all the time?

I know I do it to myself. I know it's my fault.

The word 'balance' has been playing with me for the last few days. There is no balance in my life.

No balance between fast and slow.

No balance between empty and full.

No balance between what I need and what you need.

No balance between what I want and what you want.

No balance between rest and work or play.

Is that enough?

I find myself doing for others but not doing for myself. I stuff food in my mouth and call that doing for myself. I go get a coke as a treat for hard work. Others can ask me to do things but I find it difficult to ask for myself or at least get mad if I did ask and it doesn't happen.

I find myself not even really having enough time to sit down and manage my diabetes. I'd been off my oral medications for a few weeks because I wouldn't take the time to reload my pill minder. I'd been off my insulin for a few days because I was 'busy'.

Stupid.

Getting off the insulin is deadly but the really stupid med to quit taking is my anti-depressant. I do much better when I'm on it in so many ways. I don't get down so easy and it curbs my appetite which then helps with everything else.

So, this lapse hasn't been as long as the others were and I only gained a few pounds and it will just take me a few days to get my sugars back down because they really aren't that high.

BUT I WANT A F'ING COKE.