Monday, April 03, 2006

I'm here--happy and sad

It's been a while again, hasn't it!

I've been at my daughter's since last Thursday night.
I went over on Thursday afternoon to attend my my son's fiance's Senior Voice Recital. I have to say I was "wowed".

Before the recital, my daughter got a phone call from a prospective employer responding to a resume she'd sent in more than a month and a half ago. She had really given up on this particular job.

The fella calling wanted to interview her the next morning bright and early and with that kind of notice, babysitting was an issue, so I just stayed. I stayed with one outfit (thank goodness I'd left some underwear and a couple of t-shirts on my previous visit) and no medications GRRRR.

One thing led to another---led to another---led to another and I have just arrived back home.

So she got the job. She went in to her employer Friday to give him two weeks notice and he offered her a substantial raise to stay-- and 1200 more than the new job. But the new job is a different job, higher up the food chain with plenty of chances for advancement and the old job was a dead end. The new job is less than a mile from her house. The old job is 25 miles from her house.

The old job asked her to let them know by today. Which she did ...she was moving on. And they would not let her work her two weeks out. So, she starts the new job on Wednesday. Actually, the new job is an old job.. she worked there her senior year of high school. Her brother worked there a bunch of years and the fiance is working there now.

It's all tangled.

When Daughter went in for exit interview today and to clean out her desk, she learned that a co-worker's two week old baby had died this morning.

Marci and Chris had waited years for a baby, trying and trying to get pregnant. And finally she was and so thrilled.. just so thrilled. They are really the nicest two people you could ever meet.

Evidently Marci went in to feed Morgan this morning and she was unresponsive. Marci's mother called to let the station know how they were doing and said that the speculation is "spinal meningitis".

I met Marci when Laynie was born. She and one of the news anchors came to bring Laynie a present in the hospital. Marci is just one of those people you know you love right away--full of kindness and life.

Because of the job switch, I don't know what daughter will do about seeing Marci and Chris, etc. But we talked alot about what this means and what it doesn't mean.

--this is not part of God's plan. God grieves for the death of a baby, too. She's a mother and a father and it hurts.

--there is NOT some purpose we just don't happen to understand. It does not happen for some reason it just happens.

--The baby is not lost. The baby is dead.

--Whether they can or will have another child does not ease the pain of the death of this baby. Another baby will not in anyway replace Morgan.

--It's okay to be pissed at God about this. God has really broad shoulders and can take it.

--Time will not take away the pain. It will just teach you how to hide it better.

--Not talking about Morgan will not make this hurt less. Talking about Morgan will not make this hurt more. IT hurts. You can stop it, you can't ease it. BUt in a small way you can share it.

--You do not know if the baby is better off not living, so don't speculate.

So, I am celebrating Morgan's life and the great love that family had for that little baby. I am grieving for myself and the pain it brings back up but I am grieving for Marci and Chris and the rest of the family. And I am holding them in my heart knowing that the road they have to walk now is the loneliest and one of the toughest.