Sunday, July 13, 2014
I found this particularly painful to read. I've been doing some thinking about changes that need to be made in my life and I could never get to it in my head what I am frightened of. This kind of sums it up.
Friday, April 11, 2014
-I've been depressed for a while again. I probably should call my doctor and get my meds upped. It's starting to interfere with my every day life.
I thought I might go to a movie tonight.... nothing's playing that I fucking want to see.
I wish I could go to sleep and sleep til morning but if I go to sleep now, I'll be up from 1 a.m. which will just make thing worse.
Work has been sucky lately, but it's likely because I'm sad and not handling things well. The least little thing makes me cry. So I'm either angry or sad most of the time. I rarely get mad at co-workers but yesterday and today, I was PISSED.
I said something about going out to eat alone. An old, old friend asked why I was eating alone. Well, because I'm married to an alcoholic and eating along is preferable to eating with him.
Saturday, February 01, 2014
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Perceptions . . .
All my life, I wanted to be . . . Well, I was going to say 'thin' but that's not it. I just didn't want to be FAT.
I achieved that once when I was 17. My father and mother told me if I'd get down to a certain weight, they would buy me car.
Message: I would be worthy of a car, were I not FAT.
I lost that weight. I got that car. I proceeded to gain the weight back.
I've tried WW, optifast and dieting myself. I am now a Type II diabetic because I was always FAT.
I see myself as FAT. It shapes my life (pun intended). It is a great excuse for all my other failings and character defects.
I'm 57 years old now. I will likely always be FAT.
I'm sure people don't like me because I am FAT.
My husband would love me enough if I were not FAT.
I would have a better job if I were not FAT. (though I love the one I have)
My life would be better if I were not FAT.